Christmas Cheer - Part 10

With only nine days to go until Christmas, we're getting into the shank of the holiday season. I guess it's only fitting then to discuss several tracks that represent the kind of material I had in mind when I first started putting these mixes together during the first few years of the current millennium. My earliest collections were filled with the tackiest and most grating stuff I could find. Most of the evidence of those original efforts has been destroyed, thankfully, but they didn't include many tracks you'd willingly listen to twice. Over time, I've come to include a more balanced mix of material, but I still sprinkle a little dreck in each mix for flavor, and today we're going to look at three of the dreckiest cuts from Christmas Cheer.

Track 29
Merry Christmas, Elvis, Michele Cody (1978)

I’ve written before about WFMU-FM, which for around ten years offered a treasure trove of internet oddities on its wonderful Beware of The Blog website. I discovered this tune via the first iteration of WFMU’s 365 Days Project, which offered up a unique and typically bizarre aural track each day throughout 2003 It was sufficiently popular and successful that they ran another series in 2007.

Longtime WFMU contributor Dancin’ Dave offered the following introduction to “Merry Christmas, Elvis” back on December 23, 2003:

 

We all know that Nashville is a music town and Nashville kids get into music early. They have "been playin" since they’s babies, get work before they’re two.' For singers, it seems to be about age nine when the urge to perform kicks in. (Although it’s probably the parents who have the urge and not their kids.)

 

Yes, there’s nothing they like better in Nashville than a tiny little girl who sings country music. She doesn’t actually have to sing well. After all, she is only nine. But she gets up there and sings her little heart out, God bless her.

 

I have collected a half dozen singles by these "Little Girls From Nashville' and each one is a crime against nature. (See also "Happy Birthday Jesus” by Little Cindy on November 2nd, number 306, and anything you can find by Rita Faye.) The girls don’t have good voices, the songs are sickeningly treacly, and the lyrics often involve God or the Easter bunny. It all adds up to a perfectly insufferable record.

 

The gem I present for you now has been hand-picked as the worst offender, perhaps the awfullest 45 I own. Released in 1978 on the Safari label, just a year after the passing of The King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, this one has it all: Cloying sentiment, a message to a recently deceased celebrity, and a holiday theme! All wrapped up in two minutes and 31 seconds of pure joy.

 

You may be tempted to listen to the first minute and say "Okay, I’ve heard enough.' But I implore you, listen all the way to the end. There’s a spoken-word section that sends the Cringe-O-Meter to 11.

 

Interestingly, there’s a phone number listed on the label. Is it the number for Safari Records? Or is it Michele Cody’s home number? I must admit, I looked it up. It’s not listed as either. Besides, even if I could track down Michele she’d be about 34, and she’s probably lost that adorable quality that you can only find in only a talentless nine-year-old from Nashville.

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Hear Linda Hughes’ “(It's A Sad, Sad Time For Me) Elvis Won't Be Here For Xmas” (1977)

Listen to Diana Williams' "Goodbye Bing, Elvis and Guy" (1977)

Track 30
I Want Kristy for Christmas, Craig Malon (1979)

I’ve got really mixed emotions about this track, friends — and I’m still conflicted about whether I should have included it in this year’s mix. On the one hand, it’s the kind of tacky period piece that I usually love. The first time I heard it I felt like I’d been magically transported right back to 1979. I suddenly wanted to flip on an ABC Afterschool Special or catch an episode of Battle of the Network Stars. On the other hand, this song is creepy as hell. I have no idea who Craig Malon is and while I don’t mean to sound judgmental, what kind of man would actually record a song about having a crush on a teenage TV actress? Sometimes it feels like today’s standards are going to hell, but I’m guessing this song would raise an awful lot more concern today than it did back then — and that’s a good thing. So far as I can tell, this is the only tune Craig ever recorded, and that’s probably OK, too.

Kristy McNichol

For younger readers who likely have no idea who she is, Kristy McNichol was a popular child actress in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s best known for her work on the ABC series Family. This show was intended to be an honest depiction of a typical upper-middle-class, suburban family with realistic characters and relatable challenges and struggles. McNichol played the family’s youngest daughter, Buddy, and she earned strong reviews for her work. She won Emmy nominations for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series three years in a row and won in 1977 and 1979. In 1980 she was nominated for an Emmy for Best Actress in a Drama Series. She appeared in over 20 movies from 1978-93 and had roles in more than a dozen other TV shows. As this song suggests, McNichol was also a favorite in the teen and celebrity press.

During the 1990s, McNichol stepped away from acting a couple of different times amidst reports that her busy schedule and career pressures had taken a toll on her. She was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Sometime later she acknowledged that a key cause of her difficulty was the stress associated with hiding her sexuality. McNichol came out as a lesbian and said she hoped doing so would help others who were afraid or being bullied. I suspect Craig Malon did not celebrate McNichol’s announcement, but I wish her a very merry Christmas and hope she’s finally comfortable being herself. 

Track 31
I Want a Hee Haw Honey Under My Christmas Tree, Boxcar Willie (1978)

Finally, we’ve got one more track to share today that is — as a friend of mine used to say — top-heavy with class. This one is something of an homage to that classic down-home variety show Hee Haw, and while there are a number of different versions of the song in circulation, I chose to use the one by Boxcar Willie.

Minnie Pearl

I never really cared for Hee Haw much myself. I thought it was pretty corny, the jokes seemed tired and I’ve never been all that crazy about most country music. There was one thing about the show I did appreciate, and that was the friendly sense of community and camaraderie found in the show. Co-hosts Buck Owens and Roy Clark were as friendly and welcoming as they could be, and the rest of the cast seemed to be relentlessly upbeat and gracious (if not always funny). Minnie Pearl always stuck out most to me, no doubt because she always seemed to wear a hat with the price tag still hanging from it.

I’m told the show was loosely based on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In, only with a country slant. Even as a kid I preferred Laugh-In, which seemed a lot more topical and relevant. Growing up outside of Boston, the cornfield of Hee Haw seemed pretty remote and foreign to me, and the cast struck me as dull and dowdy compared to the quick-witted and “with it” folks who did the Frug at the crazy Laugh-In parties. I even had a poster in my room featuring Arte Johnson's character, German soldier Wolfgang ("veeeeery eeenteresting!"). I couldn’t see myself hanging a poster of Minnie Pearl anywhere in the house.

I guess the other common element that both shows had was pretty women. Owens and Clark surrounded themselves with good looking younger woman on most episodes of Hee Haw, which is really what this song is all about. This is another song that really wouldn’t get too far today, as it’s out of fashion to think of women as sex symbols. I don’t think women ought to be objectified myself, but I can’t pretend that it doesn’t happen or that men used to openly celebrate that it did. In other words, I think of this song as a period piece that reflects the different sensibilities that were prevalent 30 or 40 years ago.

Network television in the 1950s and ‘60s looked a lot different than what we’re used to seeing in many respects. One of the key lines of demarcation came with the “rural purge” of the early ‘70s largely orchestrated by Fred Silverman, who was in charge of programming at CBS at the time. Data showed that viewers of the many country-style shows on CBS were less responsive to advertising than viewers of more sophisticated programs based in urban and suburban settings. In response, Silverman axed a bunch of successful rural shows including Petticoat Junction, Mayberry RFD, The Beverly Hillbillies, The Jim Nabors Hour, Green Acres — and Hee Haw. They were replaced with such shows as The Mary Tyler Moore Show, All in the Family, The Bob Newhart Show and The Carol Burnett Show, all of which worked more effectively for the sponsors.

 

Watch the Hee Haw Documentary

Just six left to consider and I'll be back one of these days to tackle a few more.

Let It Snow!, Part 3

Don't stop me, I'm on a roll! Here are some quick thoughts about the next three tracks from my annual holiday mix for 2016:

Track 9
Holiday Greetings from David Bowie (as Elvis Presley) (2013)

From all outward appearances, it seems as though David Bowie lived a wonderfully rich and happy life. Such statements are often intended as consolation following a premature departure. To me, particularly in the case of David Bowie, this richness of his life only serves to make his passing that much sadder. 

Bowie was an artist, a writer, an actor, a songwriter, and a performance artist, but he will probably be best remembered as a tremendously bold and innovative musician and recording artist. I was a huge fan from as far back as I can remember. In fact, a brief glance at a list of his best-known songs conjures up a series of remarkably specific memories of where I was and what I was doing when each track first registered for me:  Changes, Space Oddity, Young Americans, Ashes to Ashes, Cat People (Putting Out Fires), DJ, Fashion, Let's Dance, Modern Love, Absolute Beginners, This Is Not America — the list goes on.

The track I selected for this year's mix is a short little holiday greeting Bowie recorded in 2013 for the BBC6 program "This Is Radio Clash." Speaking in the unmistakable voice of the late Elvis Presley, Bowie says:

“Hello everybody, this is David Bowie making a telephone call from the US of A. At this time of the year I can’t help but remember my British-ness and all the jolly British folk, so here’s to you and have yourselves a Merry little Christmas and a Happy New Year. Thank you very much.”

Interestingly enough, Bowie tied one of Elvis's record-breaking statistics shortly after his death this past January when 12 of his albums simultaneously scored spots in Billboard's Top 40 weekly album listings. 

Of course, one of the most beloved David Bowie holiday tracks is a song he recorded with Bing Crosby in 1977 for the holiday television show "Bing Crosby's Olde Fashioned Holiday Special." Unfortunately, Crosby died before the program first aired, but this wonderful recording preserves the memory:

David Bowie was an absolute original, and he died far too soon.

Watch the animated film "The Snowman" with an introduction by David Bowie

Track 8
A Message from the King, by Bob Rivers

I posted about comedian/radio DJ Bob Rivers last year when I included his holiday-themed rendition of the Led Zeppelin classic D'yer Mak'er on last year's mix. This year I included a track brings Elvis Presley back to life and sits him (where else?) at the holiday dinner table:

Track 7

The Season's Upon Us, by The Dropkick Murphys

I like many different styles of music, but what I listen to and probably love most is straight-up rock and roll. Without meaning to do this intentionally, I noticed several days ago that many of my recent holiday CDs feature at least one rock track that serves a personal stand-out cut from the mix. Last year it was "O Christmas Tree," by The Orphan, The Poet. This year, it's the seventh track of the mix, "The Season's Upon Us," by the amazing Boston-based band known as the  Dropkick Murphys.

I was born in Boston myself, and for 17 wonderful years I lived in that city's diverse South End neighborhood. I worked for the City for several years under Boston Mayor Ray Flynn, and I spent a couple of years in the aggregate working on a number of local political campaigns. Boston's political scene is rich and exciting, as demonstrated by the number of Massachusetts natives who have gone on to national office, or at least played in the genuine major leagues.

Boston's also known as a breeding ground for up-and-coming musicians, largely because of the many colleges and universities in the area. I spent a year studying urban government at Boston University in the early 1980s, and there was never a night when some hot new band wasn't playing somewhere.

The Dropkick Murphys started taking off right around the time I was relocating to California, so I don't have any particular history as an early fan of the band, but I love their stuff and really enjoy this holiday track. The band took its name, by the way, from an old-time professional wrestler who competed (performed?) in the area during the 1940s. By the time I hit down, Dropkick was better known for his post-wrestling career as the manager of a well-known sanitarium for hardcore alcoholics. More than a few wonderful people became sober at Dropkick Murphy's, and there's a special place in heaven for him for the good work he did.

Elvis Reigns As Billboard's King of U.S. Holiday Album Sales

Elvis Presley

While they vary in size and not every home has one, the majority of American households have at least a small collection of holiday albums, and once you add up all of the CDs, mp3s and old-fashioned vinyl LPs, you're talking about an awful lot of music. Even casual music buffs can probably name the best selling Christmas song of all time (Bing Crosby's "White Christmas"), but what are the most popular holiday albums? Billboard magazine considered this very question last December, and based on sales figures from the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) and point-of-sale data from Nielsen Soundscan (for records released after 1991), they compiled the following list of the Top Ten Best Selling Holiday Albums of all time in the United States:

I have to admit that I find this list  upsetting, as I dislike a majority of the top ten best sellers and I actually loathe at least four of them. Of course, there's no accounting for taste, and I'm all for anything that sparks the holiday spirit in someone, whatever the reason. But Kenny G?! Really?